I hit my goal weight!!!

I woke up Sunday morning happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I feel like I am deeply in love with the PERFECT person for me and today I realized why. I HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT!! I have struggled so hard and so long with my weight and the battle is over! Seriously I never thought I'd reach this point but I know now that every diet, every bad day, every pair of pants that made me want to crawl into bed, and every scale or mirror that I accused of being "mean" have all lead me to this perfect point.

I have been made whole. I have MADE MYSELF whole. There is nothing left to fix. It's like when you start dating someone and the person you are dating seems perfect. You can't find a flaw - can't imagine a reason you'll ever break up. And you love every second you spend together, treasuring it like a gift from the Gods. That's how I feel about me.

I don't need to read another book. I don't need to start another diet. I don't need to cry another tear. I have received the gift of myself and I am not going to waste another second. I want to stay up all night on the phone with me. I want to stare lovingly at pictures of myself. I am squeezing every last drop of love into my own arms and now I can only see the perfection.

Every check I write is payable to me (no matter what it says on the "To" line)! Every bit of beauty I notice in others - my stunning mom, gorgeous sisters, friends, roommates, etc - I notice it's all my own beauty. When I meet someone who is smart - I am noticing I am smart. When I see someone (Sally, Heidi!) who is fit and strong and who loves there body - I realize I am fit and strong and I love my body.

And this week - I just can't stop seeing perfection everywhere. Nothing needs to be fixed. I can relax in gratitude and joy. The struggle was worth it. It brought me here. There is no where I'd rather be.

But you are wondering about my goal weight? Well it's the weight I am right now of course, how could it ever be anything else?

Tahoe 2.0: Off the Grid

There is nothing easy about being a blogger with no Internet access. I'm sitting on the steps of the Sunnyside Restaurant and Lodge, getting eaten alive by mosquitos as I steal Public wifi. The house we are staying at has no phone or Internet access what-so-ever. I know, I know, I am supposed to be focusing on myself and my own personal growth opportunity; but it turns out I have come to see access to the Information Superhighway as a right not a privilege.

Other than the lack of connectivity, the house is gorgeous (see pics above) and the women participating are an interesting mix. A few folks are here from last year - I guess 5 of the 12 women in the room (including Brooke) were here last year. Of the new folks, 2 are coaches though Brooke has asked both of them to participate fully and is including them in all our activities as equals which makes for an interesting dynamic as neither appears to have weight issues. For me, the "skinny bitch" phenomenon is no more - all that work paid off. It's nice to see so clearly that we've all got issues and weight is not as special as I once thought. The other 5 women are fairly new to the work, but on this first day have clearly started this deep dives.

We had 2 coaching sessions today and one creative activity. The major thing that came up for me was about career. Basically I'm saying I'll be happy when I reach the next level of my career, but of course, the opposite is true - I'll reach the next level of my career when I'm happy. So I'm going to do some homework on that tonight and I'll post it to the blog tomorrow morning when I leave the house to catch some exercise and check in with the outside world.

The activity we did was basically to pick our "word" a word that represents us where we are right now and to paint it along with a picture of our "inner body" (ala Eckhart Tolle). I painted an electrified "OPENING" because that really is my word. Opening to the possibilities of everything - my life, my body, my family, my career, my relationships - I am an early spring blossom stretching its petals in the early morning sunlight, and I do find it a most delightful place to be. I remember when I was in Labor with Jesse wanting to scream "OOOOOH FUCK!!!" but instead I kept forcing myself to change the thought - and the scream to OOOOOOOOOOOOOpening. It was a much better thought than this kid is splitting my person in half.


The big breakthrough today though was not mine. It was Miami J's (MJ). MJ has been providing room and board for her adult daughter for roughly a decade too long. Today - in front of our very eyes - we watched her realize that no, this was not providing her daughter help. It was not a gift or an act of love and benefiting her or her daughter in any long term way. MJ's thought was: IF I DON'T HELP MY DAUGHTER FINANCIALLY, SHE COULD DIE. We worked this turn around with her for an hour, but at the end of it, it was pretty clear the opposite was true, and MJ took a sharpie out of her heart and crossed out the word DON'T. I gotta say there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

More updates from "Brooke House: Off the Grid" tomorrow morning.