My Coach, Brooke Castillo in Washington DC this Summer!

For years I've been talking about Brooke Castillo - my life coach since 2006 and one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. Brooke's a certified North Star life coach and she was trained by Oprah's life coach, Martha Beck. Brooke developed this incredible system which she calls self coaching which I use all the time when I am facing a challenge, if I am stuck, or need to change my perspective on a situation.

I've gone to Brooke's seminars in Lake Tahoe the last couple years and come back with a new perspective and an energy that's unstoppable. The first year I attended, I came back with a commitment to do a triathlon -- I did 4! The second year I was focused on being stuck in my career and within 30 days of returning from the seminar I got a promotions and a $10,000 raise. Within 6 months, I got a new job with another title jump and a $50,000 salary increase - during a recession! Both accomplishments were direct results of the work I did with Brooke in the few short days I participated in her seminars.

Brooke's based out of California and I think all of her live events have been out West. Traveling is a challenge for me now so I figured my days of going to Brooke's seminars had ended, but then I got an idea, what if she did a seminar here, at my house??

And so, in August, Brooke is coming to Washington DC and I'd like to invite you to participate in a seminar that I guarantee will take you to the next level. Brooke's techniques are creative, actionable, and NOT boring. A day with Brooke is a THOUGHT BOOTCAMP!

Check out this video about her style:

Brooke is coming for 2 days (a Saturday and a Sunday), August 14th and 15th and the sessions will last about 8 hours each day. You can come for 1 or both days depending on your budget and schedule. There will be lunch snacks and drinks included in the price. The cost is $250 for 1 day or $399 for both. I'm hoping for a small group so you'll get lots of personal as well as group coaching from Brooke who charges $500+ hour so it will be a great value.

In addition, attendees will be asked to come with a "house gift". The House Gift is your payment to me for hosting this event and here's my price: A pledge or commitment of time, money or other resources for how you will make the world a better place in the next 12 months. It can be as big or small as you want but you will be held accountable for your pledge. The idea of a house gift is based on the Clinton Foundation's program copied, most recently, by Barack Obama at the Nuclear Summit in DC where he required leaders who attended to come with House Gifts. For example, India declared that it will build a center to promote nuclear security. Ukraine, Mexico, Chile, Kazakhstan, Vietnam and Canada agreed to dispose of hundreds of pounds of highly enriched uranium used in civilian facilities. etc etc. These pledges are so powerful because you will make your pledge in front of the group and the group will celebrate when you meet your commitment.

Who should come?

• Anyone who is stuck in anything - a job, a relationship, your health
• Anyone who needs a turnaround or a breakthrough
• Anyone with a BIG problem - a problem that seems insurmountable or exhausting
• Anyone who secretly thinks they are supposed to be doing more with their life
• Anyone who is looking for a goal or a passion and just feels blah
• Anyone who feels like they are running out of time or are in a rush to: lose weight, get married, start a business, have a baby, etc.

What you'll get out of the event?

• A framework for motivating yourself even when it seems impossible.
• A set of tools to reframe your past, present and most importantly, your future.
• A no-nonsense, plain spoken, down to earth guide to how to create the future you want - how to live the law of attraction.
• Aching sides from belly laughs.
• New and deeper friendships.
• Hope.

This is going to be a small group (no more than 10 people per day) so if you are interested, let me know ASAP so I can save you a seat. I'll be linking a form here soon! It's going to be at my house which is in Washington DC near metro and the train and equidistant from Dulles, National, and BWI airports.

RSVP to me directly at becomingjourney@gmail.com

So excited!
Angela

The Changing Nature of Birthdays

I love birthdays. Particularly mine. My birthday always feels like the beginning of spring (and not just because it's on March 26th!). There is all the hope and promise of a new year in the air and opportunities seem boundless. For me, it's like getting a second crack at a New Year's Resolution.

My birthday is also usually during or around LENT and while I am not Catholic anymore, I continued to enjoy taking a 40 day break from something to help me realign my priorities. In the past I have given up sugar, milk, wheat, cooked foods and even premarital sex for LENT and I found the experience really awakening. At the end of 40 days (usually right around my birthday) I set what Martha Beck would call a wildly impossible goal -- get a phD, start a theatre company, travel to 4 countries in 12 months, get married, get pregnant, get a promotion, buy a house, complete a triathlon.

Fueled by my Lenten sacrifice and the accompanying hope that goes with Spring and my birthday, I'd just start living as if those goals would be met. As if it were obvious. Almost like I'd already reached the goal. And then viola! another feather for my oft decorated cap!

This year though has felt different. I've been worn down emotionally and financially by a long, protracted legal battle and I'm too exhausted to think up goals. This year, for my birthday, I don't want to plan and execute my next accomplishment, I want to nap. And I don't mean, curl up with a Wally Lamb book and a mocha latte; I mean ball up an old, smelly sweatshirt and crash on the first available horizontal surface.

My life's motto is "The More You Do. The More You Do" and this lack of interest in "doing" is catching me off guard. But yesterday a friend wrote a blog post about balance that made me sit back and reconsider. Maybe this "not doing" is an act of subversion for my system. Maybe this is the most incredible thing I could do this year. Maybe this year I need more of less. And maybe that's okay. Fred wrote: "If we stay too long in an unbalanced situation, the universe acts to restore balance. It throws us to the other side: our health may suffer; our lives may change."

So this year LENT came to me. I didn't need to actively pick something to give up to represent a metaphorical Jesus metaphorically suffering. The suffering came right to my doorstep. The universe has indeed thrown me to the other side. But I'm not looking away. I'm putting the coffee on and inviting Suffering over to my birthday party. I needed a little balance in my life and Mr. Suffering may look like a party-pooper but he comes bearing a gift from the Gods. Mr. Suffering has reminded me that life is not a race or a contest... it's a journey. And a journey requires just the right balance of planning, excitement and activity with spontaneity, relaxation and just plain ol' doing nothing.

And it turns out doing nothing is just fine with me.

I was asked to speak at a WEAVE fundraiser. Here's what I said:

Here is how I knew I wasn’t a victim of domestic violence:

• I’m educated on the topic. In college, I studied domestic violence and raised thousands of dollars for WEAVE, My Sister’s Place, and House of Ruth.
• I am physically and emotionally very strong.
• I have a PhD and a successful career.
• After my husband threw a Brita pitcher full of water at my head, he told me it was no big deal.After my husband threatened to kill me, we went to a therapist and he explained to her and me that he’d never hurt me and never would.
• When my husband had a fit of rage at another therapists office, our therapist told me it was time to leave because he had another couple coming in, but if I felt unsafe I should wait a few minutes in the bathroom for my husband to calm down.
• When my husband slammed me against the wall, wouldn’t let me move, and yelled “Call the f’ing police you manipulative bitch”, our nanny and her husband were right there. (How bad could it have been?)
• When I’d tell people I fear for my safety and that’s why I asked my husband to move out they would say (and I’m not kidding) “but you are so much bigger than him, you could just sit on him.” (I got that on at least 3 occasions).
• When I went a lawyer about what to do next and she told me to go home and make nice because I didn’t really have a very good case. She said the best thing I could do was provoke him to hit me again and then call the police to improve my chances.

I knew I wasn’t a victim of domestic violence, but I started checking terms on google like “How do I know if I am a victim of domestic violence” and “Signs of domestic violence.”

I knew I wasn’t a victim of domestic violence, but one cold, January day about a year ago, I dropped my son at daycare, pulled into a CVS parking lot and made a call that would change my life. I called WEAVE.

“I have a crazy question,” I said, hearing the jangling in my voice as my vocal chords shattered like breakaway glass with every word. “I just, I’m not sure who to ask for, I just want to know if my, um, my situation qualifies… qualifies as domestic violence. I don’t think my situation counts but I’d just like to check, in case I’m missing something. Is there someone I could talk to?”

And there was.

Later that night, I went to a free legal clinic. In the lobby there was a Japanese mother and daughter. The daughter was 9, very precocious and chatty. Her mom was beautifully dressed in designer clothes, didn’t speak a word of English, and didn’t have a US passport. Her daughter told me she went to boarding school in California. I wondered what might have brought them to this legal clinic. Next to me was a woman who reminded me of my mother. She had a wedding ring, short, salt and pepper hair, and looked like she worked on 17^th and K.

“This is who comes to a free legal clinic?” I thought. My laptop, blackberry and I somehow fit in.

I waited a few minutes and then met with a lawyer named Tracy. I told her my situation and then asked my question… “Do I qualify? Does this count as domestic violence? I’ve talked to a lot of people and the jury is split but I’m sure I don’t I mean I’m sorry to have wasted your – ”

She cut me off. “This is a guy that is all about control. Have you seen the cycle of violence?” I hadn’t and she showed me. “With guys like this, the good times can be good, and that’s why it’s easy to get confused.” She pulled out a huge photocopied book and plunked it on the crowded desk. “Here’s the statute she said. Read it yourself.”

How had I missed it?

5 ½ years after he threw the pitcher. 2 ½ years after he threatened to tie me up, cover me with lighter fluid and set me and our house on fire. 3 months after he first physically hurt me. I was scooped up in the arms of WEAVE and carried to the starting line of my journey to wholeness. A journey in which I’ve had to give up everything I thought I knew about domestic violence and start over. The first step was letting go of the idea domestic violence happens to other people. The second, was fully accepting it happened to me. And if WEAVE weren’t around, I believe it would have escalated even further.

And that’s why I’m here tonight, to share my story and to help make sure WEAVE will be there to give someone else the support and confidence they need to let go of what they know and start accepting what is.

I am a victim of domestic violence, but I am not weak. WEAVE just helped me connect to my strength, get safe, and move on. I can’t imagine how much longer that would have taken without them and every day I look in my little boys eyes and know we are safe, I am grateful to all WEAVE has done for us.

WEAVE saved my life.

Please help save WEAVE.

I'm a successful executive. For years (2 to be exact) my husband threatened to kill me and to steal my child. Eventually he started physically hurting me as well. When I'd had enough, I went to a lawyer. The answers I got were long, complicated, expensive, and included a lot of concessions I wasn't willing to make.

I remembered donating to WEAVE once as part of a production of the Vagina Monologues. I never thought I would need to call them. I didn't think WEAVE services were for people like me. Frankly, I wasn't aware that strong, smart successful people could be victims of domestic violence. It had become achingly clear, however, that I was wrong.

Shaking and hiding in my car in a CVS parking lot, I called WEAVE. That phone call was like grabbing on to a lifeboat when you are drowning in a wide ocean of fear and uncertainty.

In days, I had met with an incredibly helpful lawyer for free, had filed a restraining order at the court house, and got sole temporary custody of my son. A WEAVE volunteer sat with me through all the court proceedings and called me periodically to check in on me.

I felt guilty using their services because I felt like my abuse was so minor compared to the other people I met while working with WEAVE. But repeatedly they told me that I was a victim and they were determined to help -- that domestic abuse might come in degrees, but their services didn't.

I promised myself when it was all over I would donate $100 a month to WEAVE. It's not all over. I hadn't started donating. And now I am riddled with guilt for not supporting the organization that saved me sooner.

Please help save WEAVE.

For more - see this article in the Washington Post: http://bit.ly/Dl0ip

Basil the Cat: RIP

5/23/2003 - 9/11/2009

Basil was 16+ and had a full life. He lived in Alexandria, Washington DC, Connecticut, Arlington, and Reston. He was mostly an indoor cat but in the last year got to check off 'spend time outside' from his bucket list.

He was not a huge fan of toddlers but was never aggressive with them (just aloof). He loved garlic, tobacco, and coffee breath. He also loved bumping his chin into your knee while you were sitting on the toilet. He did not like bathroom doors to be closed. His happiest years were 2003-2005 when he fell madly in love with Rachan (my ex) but before we were distracted by Jesse.

The night before he passed, he was playing and purring. He was never sick. He died peacefully and looked like he was sleeping though my guess is he his heart stopped as he had a moderate heart murmur.

Basil got me through some dark scary days in my 20s when I was very lonely. I remember one day after a particularly rough break-up, holding Basil and crying hysterically for hours until his fur was soaked, but he didn't leave my side. He always seemed to know when you needed him to be around and he'd saddle right up beside you.

In the passed few years, between having a kid, moving 4 times, and getting a divorce, Basil dropped down a few rungs as a priority in my life. In fact, the script had flipped and he had started needing me more than I needed him. I don't think he enjoyed the change and I know he is at peace now that the fight for my attention is finally over. And I think he knows, in his own way, he actually did win.

Relapse is part of the Treatment

I heard this interview on NPR I think where the guy being interviewed was saying that he was an alcoholic. It took him years to recover and it didn't happen until he accepted that relapse is part of the treatment. Maybe it was Diane Rehm or This American Life on podcast. Anyway, the line struck me. What if RELAPSE was a good thing? Or at least not a bad one. What if RELAPSE itself was a necessary part of the journey. What if it's required? It was a comforting thought but I worried it was weak or selfish or indulgent.

I made a mental note to blog on it but promptly dropped the idea. Until I read Brooke Castillo's blog today and then it all slipped together. She wrote:

For a while, your pattern may look like this:

Get the hang of it
See the cool result in your life
Screw it all up completely by checking out
Get the hang of it (again)

This time when I gained weight back it didn't feel like evidence that I suck. But it sure was interesting. This time I was willing to do it again and again and again. Willing to participate in my life instead of, as my friend Jen says, sitting back with a bucket of popcorn and watching the movie that has become my life.

So my relapse is part of my treatment. This isn't weak - because it takes a lot of strength to stay engaged and connected, especially in the face of what could be considered failure. It isn't selfish - because I know I give the best of myself when I take care of myself first. And it sure isn't indulgent because welcoming relapse as a part of the treatment, while more gentle than other approaches, is more likely to bring more positive results.

But most of all relapse just is. It's a part of my journey. A journey on which I am committed to keeping my eyes and my heart open.

How things work out

It's funny how things work out with weight loss. Or any big challenge, I guess. You are working really hard and not getting results and someone suggests you stop trying so hard. That's really an infuriating suggestion because of the thought "If I don't continue to try hard, I will not succeed." It's a Bodhi tree like mystery which your busy brain rejects loudly. But then, like a geometry problem you step away from, the answer arrives at your door - all unassuming - and smacks you over the head with a sort of sweet, "how the heck did you miss that?"

I started working with Brooke Castillo, weight loss coach, in April 2007. I had a 1-year-old baby and had not lost most of the 85 lbs. I gained while pregnant. In 8 months, from April to November, I lost over 70 lbs. with Brooke, going from 296 (!) to about 220. My goal was to be 149 lbs by December 2009. In December 2007, stepped up my work outs often working out twice a day and burning upwards of 1500 calories a day! And I was committed to losing weight by eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was full. I never counted a calorie. But once increased my exercise, I stopped losing weight.

All that exercise made me hungry! I worked out through the holidays but I probably ate too much. Then I got pneumonia and bronchitis, but I kept working out. I completed 3 triathlons. I was more fit than ever and while I stopped losing weight, I did drop another dress size to a size 16. I was told by my trainer I was gaining muscle and not to worry.

I went to a weight loss retreat and realized, all my muscle wasn't the problem. I was simply eating too much. Brooke coached me about planning joy eats and only having one small serving of high fat food a day. IMPOSSIBLE I proclaimed. We had done this "plan your joy" routine before. There was simply no way for me to plan to eat a brownie and that that was going to stop me from eating a cookie if someone brought them into the office.


And then we did an exercise where I saw clearly that the problem was my incapacity to try harder. The story I told my self was I was working harder than anyone could work. And I had a lot of evidence this was true. And if this wasn't enough, then I quit.

And so I did. From November 07 to July 08 I maintained 220 lbs. But when I got back from the retreat, I quit. Six months later, I ballooned back up to 290! Little by little the pounds piled back on but my attitude remained strong. This was a conscious life choice and not the result of negative thinking. It was the result of thinking. Period. And the thought was this, "I would rather be fat than work this hard."

And low and behold that reality was created! (My thoughts are powerful that way.)

There was magic in that decision. A magic to create my own destiny. A magic to create my own body. A magic to chose my future. But it's not a 1-way magic.

So now I find myself wanting another baby.

My divorce is still in process. I am flat broke. I can live in this fat body, but it has a really big downside. It won't ovulate. Which means I can't make another baby. With no money for fertility treatments and no legal possibility of adoption until the divorce is final, the only way for me to make a baby is with known donor sperm (got it!) and working ovaries.

I've got to lose 50 lbs to get my ovaries in order. I'd like to lose more than that. And the clock is ticking. I'm 36.

So I asked myself a question that Brooke asked me once: "What can you do?"

Weight loss surgery.
- Not covered by insurance

Jenny Craig.
- Ditto on the money

Starve myself.
- Never happen

Plan healthy meals?
.... hmmm.... I COULD do this one.

And so for the past 2 weeks I have been planning my meals, logging my food, exercising (of course!) and losing weight - down 8 lbs so far.

This process of packaging a weeks worth of meals and snacks on Sunday has made it as easy to stick to my own plan as it was to stick to Jenny Craig (but it's a lot cheaper.) Still until today I felt like I was on a diet. Lose enough weight to have a baby and then deal with life as a fat person again.

But today something hit me. Back when I was plateaued at 220 lbs., my biggest problem was eating too much. I said I was eating 1800 calories but that's what my target was. I actually never measured calories and I stopped journaling my food. In retrospect I was probably eating more than 1800 calories and I was eating a lot of non-fuel foods. What I never really did, was take full responsibility for what I ate. In fact, I claimed (thought, believed, decided) what I ate was out of my control. I took control of exercise, but I wanted the food piece of the equasion to come together on its own. Our accountant having chocolate in his office and our new CEO having lunch catered every day was interfering with my plan.

The secret to losing weight, it turns out, isn't eating less and exercising more. The secret is asking yourself: "What CAN I do to take care of myself despite the obstacles life is guaranteed to throw my way?" The answer always leads to eating less and exercising more, but it won't feel like a chore. It will feel like Christmas.

Where have I been?

Lots of folks have asked me where I have been since June. Frankly it's a question I have been asking myself too. I can give you all the reasons I have been too busy to blog and you'll believe me:
- My husband and I separated. While my mother-in-law was living with us.
- I've been negotiating custody of our 2 1/2 year old. Still unsettled in my mind.
- I have welcomed into my home - my nanny, her husband and her 18 month old; a 17-year-old high school exchange student from Argentina who's here for a year; and a friend's husband who has been living with us during the weeks.
- The company I work for was bought. I got a promotion and (just for fun) a demotion. However, I believe I saved my job.
- I have been on 6 work trips in Chicago, Las Vegas, New York and Dallas.
- My commute went from 5 minutes to 45 minutes in May and in November went from 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes.

I am sure there is more but this is a lot of what I have been dealing with.

I decided that divorce, custody, and saving my job were more important than taking care of myself and consequently stopped going to the gym and completely stopped questioning negative beliefs. The great part of this experience was a vivid consciousness that this was what I was doing.

"Oh," I'd think. "I am choosing to neglect myself, interesting." And then I would go on with the business of self-neglect.

I'd see a book or magazine article about self-care and think: "hmmm, I know how to do that, wonder why I'd not."

But I never tried to break the cycle. I just tried to watch it. Until one day, I packed a lunch and headed to the gym. Not exciting or dramatic. No epiphany. I just WANTED to take care of myself again. And that's how it's been the past few weeks. Delicious self care, more of me to go around, and incredible amazement at how the mind is mastered.

Anyway I saw this great article today about a woman who has lost 175lbs and this advice from her blog completely reminded me of what I have learned about myself in my weight loss journey.

{EXCERPTED}

Things I've learned about losing weight:

* Workout everyday no matter what. Even when you are tired and are feeling bad. Those are your best workout days, you have more energy and feel better after your workout.

* Count calories and write everything down. Writing everything down makes you accountable. One of the links I have is an excel spreadsheet to calculate how much you eat at each meal and how many calories you eat each day. I own a scale that you can input a code for different foods and it tells you how many calories are in them. It takes figuring the calories out for yourself out of the equation.

* Drink half your weight in ounces of water per day. For example: if you weigh 200 pounds you need to drink 100 ounces of water per day. I marked my water bottles in the beginning to keep track of how much water I had drank.(Yes I recycle the bottles.)

* Stay away from salt and processed foods. Use fresh as much as you possible.

* If you can't be honest with other people, be honest with yourself. Sometimes it is the hardest thing you have to do.

* Ask for help if you need it. People are so willing to be part of the success, that they will help you as much as they can. There are some people who will sabotage you. If you have them in your life, tell them how you feel and if it doesn't change, limit your time with them as much as possible.

* Write a journal and take pictures. You will be so happy you did. When you don't see a difference in the mirror, you can look back at where you used to be. It also works when you put your beginning picture side by side with your now picture.

* If you go off your program get right back on. Don't wait until tomorrow, or Monday, just do it after you take a breath, and don't beat yourself up for it. No one is perfect.

* There are only bad excuses not to workout.

* Once you set your foot in the gym, everything else takes care of itself.

* If you are not sweating, you're not pushing yourself hard enough.

* I will have to work on my program the rest of my life. There are no shortcuts to healthy living.

* Being obese is so much harder than getting fit.

* Let the world see who you are under all the protection you wear.

Opening

I mentioned in an earlier post that I chose the word to represent me. It seemed right at the time, but I guess now that I’ve had the thought: “Opening is a good word for me.” I’ve begun to open even more.

The Ropes Course is located near the resort we stayed at last year. I know the area very well so it surprised me I’d never seen it before. What do I mean? Well, I guess last year I was so in my head about hating the out of doors that I never actually noticed them. I didn’t notice what a gorgeous spot we were in. When we pulled up to the Ropes Course yesterday my heart skipped a beat.

“Were these mountains here last year?” I asked Jen.

She laughed. “I thought it was odd you never mentioned it last year. I talked about how beautiful it was here with just about everyone else.”

Of course the mountains were here; I hadn’t shown up.

At the beginning of the challenge, Jesse, the Ropes Course owner shared his favorite Wayne Dyer quote with us: “When you change how you see, you change what you see.”

I knew this was true for me. As I changed and opened, I was seeing so many things I’d never seen – the mountains, the sky, my authentic self. It was all laid out for me to see.

This retreat has been a time of deeper opening for me and a time of acknowledging all the new things I have enabled myself to see by thinking new and better thoughts. And the best thing about opening is that it’s a process that goes infinitely. Imagine how much more there is to be seen!

Unwilling to Be Coached

Brooke told me I was unwilling to be coached today. She’s never said it before and I guess I was stung and stuck by it; but I believe in Brooke and her coaching style and I don’t think she’d say that if it weren’t true.

I’ve been asking myself all night if that thought is true – was I unwilling to be coached. Somehow I know the answer is yes but I can’t see my way through my story to that truth.

On the Ropes Course, I went half way up a pole. It was so much harder physically than I expected. I wasn’t scared, but I was discouraged I wasn’t as fit as I thought I was. Still from the moment I said I couldn’t do it, I took 3 more steps. When I was lowered down I felt great for pushing myself beyond what I thought possible and then Brooke reminded me my weight made this challenge harder. I had fantastic thoughts of my success.

Then in a coaching session, Brooke said she believed I could have climbed up the pole 5 times and the only reason I couldn’t was my thought I couldn’t.

“What do you think you would have done if you didn’t have the thought you couldn’t do it?”

“I guess I’d keep going until I threw up, passed out, or made it to the top.”

Brooke pressed on – what if you didn’t have the thought you might throw up or pass out.
We ended up locked in an argument that ended with Brooke kinda giving up with me. At least that’s how it felt.

“Your thought is – I couldn’t make it up the pole and that thought makes you happy because it makes you feel right. So we are going to let you keep it.”

With that the coaching session was cut short. I’ve never seen her do this to anyone before and it really took my breath away as I tried to figure out what I made that mean. My first thoughts were really painful – Brooke doesn’t believe in me. I am not worth believing in. Brooke doesn’t understand me. Brooke is being difficult. I am sick of this work and I’m just going to quit – that’ll show her. The thoughts kept coming. (Reread now with the turnarounds in place – I don’t believe in myself. I am worth believing in. I don’t understand Brooke. I am being difficult. – these were some pretty spot on thoughts.)

Jennifer was her typical brilliant and generous self letting me go on and on about it but not letting me get too deep into my own story before bringing me back to the work.

“What’s the lesson here?” “How can you turn this around?” “What if you were at your physical limit? What does that mean to you?”

I processed her questions and my own until I remembered how the conversation started…. It was about separating circumstance from thought. I was saying I was good at that now and so

Brooke asked me what the circumstance was on the pole. “I was at my physical limit.”

“Nope,” said Brooke. “You could have made it to the top. Your thought stopped you.”

I couldn’t see that at all last night. But this morning I see it’s true. I could have made it to the top. My thought stopped me. This idea – the idea I could have made it to the top was hard for me to get to because in the coaching session it felt very painful because it caused the thought, I’m a failure. But that thought, ‘I could have made it to the top’ is actually very exciting good news. If I can get my head out of the way, I can make it to the top. I was not determined and here’s how I know, I never asked myself to dig deep. I never asked myself to find the strength to keep going. When Brooke gave me the option to go one more step and come down, I took it. I gave her the power to limit me because the fact was I wanted to be limited. I didn’t want to keep going.

There have been times in my life when I’ve been so focused on something that nothing could stop me, but climbing up that pole was not one of those times. Now, I was physically exhausted, I was hungry, I was in pain; there were lots of circumstances conspiring against me being focused, but that’s like life.

Knowing I could have made it to the top and didn’t make it there could mean I failed, but it doesn’t to me. To me it means I met the limits of my thoughts; and the great news is I am only a thought away from the top of that pole.

(Not) Late for A Very Important Date

Ten months ago Coach Lisa asked me to do the "Pass-Me" Bridge at the Squaw Valley Ropes Course with her. Yesterday I fulfilled that promise and made it across with a sweet kiss in the middle. Actual picture to come. Thanks Lisa for helping me make a dream come true for myself!

Smarter than your Average Fog Eat

I came on this retreat with one, clear goal – to find the neural pathways toward a life without mindless eating when I’m not hungry (what Brooke calls fog eating). Today, I had a chance to work on that goal in one of Brooke’s typical “Attack Coaching” sessions. The thing about Brooke is that she just puts her thumb right on your thoughts and then holds you down. Her confidence in herself and in you seems to glide you onto the next level. Working with her is hard, she doesn’t let you get away with anything, but it’s also like flying. She lifts you off the ground with her love, compassion, and joy of doing this work.

In her unique way, she was lifting me off the ground with her questions.

Brooke: What result do you want?

Me: To be free from fog eating.

Brooke: What action do you need to take in order not to fog eat?

(Oh, this is gonna be easy, I thought, I know how to play this game.)

Me: In order not to fog eat, I need to stay connected to myself before I eat. To do that I’d need to think thoughts like this:
• Nothing is too much for me.
• I can handle this immediate moment.
• I don’t need to stop the thinking.
• I can clear the slate without eating.

With thoughts like that I would feel resourceful, confident, competent, and clear. I would stay connected and not fog eat.

Q.E.D.

Oh oh oh – so much easier said than done. What’s standing in my way of changing my thoughts? The belief that fog eating is somehow helpful to me. When pressed, I realized that I have a secret idea that my fog eating is actually productive. Fog eating helps me calm down, press the reset button, rethink my current circumstance and start a-fresh.

Brooke made her move: “With Angela, the best way to coach her is with mockery.”

So she started this list to show just how productive fog eating made me:

Angela’s FOG EATING TO DO LIST
1) Eat without awareness
2) Eat food that doesn’t fuel me
3) Burn time
4) Zap my energy
5) Feel super crappy
6) Beat myself up after

I hated looking at this list, but she’s right. The idea fog eating makes me more productive is total bullshit. I am just hanging on to this thought – this thought that not fog eating is too hard. And there is absolutely no intelligent reason for it.

Here is where Brooke worked her real magic.

“Tell me about MORE SUCCESSFUL ANGELA (MSA). What makes her VP material?"
Oh I rattled off my answers – so many of them where to start? I’m:
• Productive
• Smart
• Efficient
• Organized
• Resourceful
• Make good decisions
• Prioritize
• Put things in order
• Strategic
• The list goes on and on….

I should have known what was coming. What else? A turnaround! She opened it up to the group.

“What’s the opposite of Productive?”
Lazy!

“Smart?”
Stupid.

"Efficient?"
Wasteful…

The list of opposites went on and on with the girls getting more and more animated:

• Scattered
• Clueless
• Bad decisions
• Not ordered
• Mismanaged
• Dumb

Then Brooke asked me:

“Okay Ms. VP, what do you call a not very smart entry level person?”

My answer rolled off the tongue…. “a monkey”

“Great! A DUMB MONKEY I LOVE IT,” Brooke jumped up and down like an animal. “That’s who you are when you fog eat!!! A DUMB MONKEY.”

Is feeding your body food you don’t need or food that’s not right for your body Smart? Efficient? Resourceful? Of course not! In so many areas of my life I am brilliant – oh, but not when it comes to fog eating. When it comes to fueling my body, I’m a dumb monkey. My thoughts have been telling me I can’t stop fog eating and me, little miss argumentative, I just take the orders and stuff my face without questioning for a minute if this thought is serving me. I surrendered myself to my thoughts and believed my thoughts about fog eating were uncontrollable.

So, here are my new thoughts:
• I am so much smarter than fog eating.
• I am so glad I am not a monkey.
• I am never dumb now.
• I never fog eat now.

I am strongly adverse to the idea of being a “dumb monkey” I don’t think it’s at all cute or funny; it’s just a stark reminder of this lie I have been telling myself over and over – that I need to fog eat; that I WANT to fog eat; that I deserve to fog eat.

Fog eating keeps me overweight and being overweight keeps me from my true potential. No chance to fail because I’m holding myself back. Brooke of course tied this all into my career aspirations.

I can hear Marianne Williamson telling me I’m playing small with the universe and so the universe is playing small with me. She’s telling me to show up for my own life.

I want a seat at the big kid’s table so I can make good strategic decisions, but I don’t make good strategic decisions about fog eating in my own life and I AM the president of what one attendee referred to as You, Inc. I am the President and I’m not making good decisions at all.

Imagine there is a board meeting and Lazy, Stupid, Smart and Efficient all show up. Who would I listen to? When I fog eat, I’m taking advice from Lazy and Stupid. Of course I’m not getting to the next level in my career, I can’t even run my own body effectively. There is a chicken and the egg here but it’s kind of irrelevant. If I want to change my life – and for that matter if you want to change yours – you just have to change your thoughts. You can do it now, or later, it really doesn’t matter; but strategically speaking, I recommend the former so you can amortize your joy over a greater number of years.

How to Succeed in Coaching Without Really Trying

Brooke asked me to take a look at my current definition of Career Success to see if I can revise the thought to something genuinely true for me but that does not cause pain.


Current: Achieve progressively advancing responsibility and reward while minimizing risk.

Proposed: Earn a living in interesting positions in which I thrive and enjoy.



I told Brooke I felt successful but that I wanted to be MORE SUCCESSFUL – that there was more I could be doing which I felt ready for. So Brooke asked me about Miss More Successful. “How would your life be different if you were more like Miss More Successful?”

Miss More Successful has one key thing I don’t have – a seat at the “Big Kid’s Table” at work. She is a part of high-level corporate decisions and her duties are more strategic; therefore her impact at work more significant. If I had that seat I would be challenged in a way I am not now, I would be less restless and searching for my next thing. If I had that seat I would be able to participate in a more meaningful way and I think that means that the company would be more successful. My ideas would be heard by the right people and I’d get to hear those same people put their ideas forward which would give me a ton of new information about business and myself. I feel like I would be able to grow personally faster that I can in my current position. I’d have a little more money but I’d be building equity toward and even more lucrative future.

***

I don't know though - there is something about coaching that when you hit on a big one you know it. I am having angst about my career. I feel I should be further along than I am based on my experience, intelligence, education, and age. This is the thought that is causing me pain - not that I am not further along. I get this. If I didn't have that thought I'd be fine with where I am. Where I am is totally fine. It's wanting more that causing the pain. This new definition I wrote - it is true, it's just not more true that the fact I want more and that's the thinking that needs to be undone. We'll see if we get to work on this at all while I'm here, if not, I have a feeling this thread will be with me for quite some time.

Tahoe 2.0: Off the Grid

There is nothing easy about being a blogger with no Internet access. I'm sitting on the steps of the Sunnyside Restaurant and Lodge, getting eaten alive by mosquitos as I steal Public wifi. The house we are staying at has no phone or Internet access what-so-ever. I know, I know, I am supposed to be focusing on myself and my own personal growth opportunity; but it turns out I have come to see access to the Information Superhighway as a right not a privilege.

Other than the lack of connectivity, the house is gorgeous (see pics above) and the women participating are an interesting mix. A few folks are here from last year - I guess 5 of the 12 women in the room (including Brooke) were here last year. Of the new folks, 2 are coaches though Brooke has asked both of them to participate fully and is including them in all our activities as equals which makes for an interesting dynamic as neither appears to have weight issues. For me, the "skinny bitch" phenomenon is no more - all that work paid off. It's nice to see so clearly that we've all got issues and weight is not as special as I once thought. The other 5 women are fairly new to the work, but on this first day have clearly started this deep dives.

We had 2 coaching sessions today and one creative activity. The major thing that came up for me was about career. Basically I'm saying I'll be happy when I reach the next level of my career, but of course, the opposite is true - I'll reach the next level of my career when I'm happy. So I'm going to do some homework on that tonight and I'll post it to the blog tomorrow morning when I leave the house to catch some exercise and check in with the outside world.

The activity we did was basically to pick our "word" a word that represents us where we are right now and to paint it along with a picture of our "inner body" (ala Eckhart Tolle). I painted an electrified "OPENING" because that really is my word. Opening to the possibilities of everything - my life, my body, my family, my career, my relationships - I am an early spring blossom stretching its petals in the early morning sunlight, and I do find it a most delightful place to be. I remember when I was in Labor with Jesse wanting to scream "OOOOOH FUCK!!!" but instead I kept forcing myself to change the thought - and the scream to OOOOOOOOOOOOOpening. It was a much better thought than this kid is splitting my person in half.


The big breakthrough today though was not mine. It was Miami J's (MJ). MJ has been providing room and board for her adult daughter for roughly a decade too long. Today - in front of our very eyes - we watched her realize that no, this was not providing her daughter help. It was not a gift or an act of love and benefiting her or her daughter in any long term way. MJ's thought was: IF I DON'T HELP MY DAUGHTER FINANCIALLY, SHE COULD DIE. We worked this turn around with her for an hour, but at the end of it, it was pretty clear the opposite was true, and MJ took a sharpie out of her heart and crossed out the word DON'T. I gotta say there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

More updates from "Brooke House: Off the Grid" tomorrow morning.

Heading Back to Tahoe

This blog was started 9 months ago when I was headed to my first retreat in Lake Tahoe with my Life coach Brooke Castillo.

Just 9 months later I have lost a total of 60 lbs. and gained more physical and emotional strength than I could quantify. I head back to Lake Tahoe in a few days and I'm looking forward to the emotional deluge of spending time with Brooke and the other women to peel back the layers of my onion.

I'll be blogging my experiences all back here so stay tuned for some intense "Retreat" posts. I'm really looking forward to this year's adventure and I'm glad to have you along for the ride!

Race Report: Lathom Tri

Racer: Angela Lauria
Race: Marilyn Lathom "Homegrown" Triathlon
Date: Sunday, May 18, 2008
Location: Reston, VA
Race Type: Triathlon - Sprint
Age Group: Female 35 - 39
Time: 2:19:20
Overall Place: 35 / 47
Gender Group Place: 21 / 30
URL: http://www.homegrowntriathlon.com/scores2008.asp
Comment: Virgin No More

--------------
Race Report: Last November an idea came into my head: “I’m going to do a triathlon.” It was a silly idea because I hadn’t been swimming in about 4 years, I did not run, and I had never ridden a bike in my life. I decided though it was a good 5 year goal. I asked myself, what would I be doing today – in November 2007 – if I was going to do a triathlon in the summer of 2011.

I talked to a marathon runner and a triathlete at work, one of them loaned me the book Triathloning for Mere Mortals. I took a look at that book and decided I was lower than a mere mortal because the book was way over my head. I took a fitness test with Susan Hefler at Spokes who looked as surprised as I was when she assessed my good aerobic conditioning (especially considering I tested while I had pneumonia). I went to a Triathalon clinic conducted by Sharon Adams. I starting training with Brian Crow twice a week. What all these folks had in common was each of them told me I would be able to complete a sprint distance triathlon – not in May 2011, but in May 2007. I could move my goal up 4 ½ years. And so I did – mostly on blind faith in my work friends, the author of that book, Susan, Sharon, and Brian, and of course, in myself.

I worked hard for 6 months, learning the most basics about fitness and especially about biking which was a complete pandora’s box for me. I push myself hard and now it was race morning. I showed up at the Reston Community Center feeling fantastic and 100% ready despite a sprained ankle which was a week old and almost pulled me out of the race completely. Thanks to great advice from the Tri-RATS and the medical care of Dr. Bihn at Dr. Su’s acupuncture practice, I was able to nurse my ankle back to race-ready health.

Swim :25:33 (Goal :28) I trained for my swim at the Reston Community Center and so I thought the swim would be easy but my nerves were all over the place. I split the lane with a woman named Sue (hi if you are out there) and we both agreed we’d complete the swim in about 27 minutes. I don’t know if she was trying to psych me out or what but no sooner did the whistle blow than Sue had lapped me. I thought we’d be at the same pace and here she was blowing me away. Or wait – maybe she wasn’t – maybe I’d been counting wrong all these weeks. I wasn’t going to do the swim in 27 minutes, it was going to be 34. Wait, how long is my 50 again? My monkey brain got the best of me. I was doing fuzzy math, beating myself up, and swimming Sue’s event instead of my own.

Heading into the second length of lap 9, I was tapped on the shoulder… by a ghost. Yes this is the supernatural part of my race report so bear with me. This event is named after Marilyn Lathom who died 15 years ago I believe and whom I never met, but she tapped me on the right shoulder just as I was about to touch the wall. She was laughing and said, “oh relax! Have fun would you! No need to be so serious” and with that, the race finally began for me. I stopped swimming for Sue and started swimming for me. I enjoyed every stroke after that and felt I had an angel with me – I guess we all did. I PRed the swim by almost a minute.

T1 :03:55 (Goal :05) When I was deciding if I could do a triathlon, I read some things Jaime Roberson had written. I started Google-Stalking her so I could suck up anything she’d ever said, as if her confidence and commitment could bleed off the page and into my heart. I was lucky enough to meet her at the Worldgate Sprint and when I saw her the morning of the Lathom Tri she suggested I take the transition easy. I could have tightened the time up here but the time I took helped me keep my head on for the bike which was hands down my biggest concern.

Bike 1:01:57 (Goal 1:05) I got on the bike feeling great and much calmer now that I had Marilyn with me. I road onto Colts Neck and turned on South Lakes without a problem, I was feeling strong and had made my decision to stay on South Lakes even wit the milled surface. The road was quiet and I felt confident. Turning onto Twin Branches I was getting in my zone. Half way down glad my marathon-running friend from work, Fred Krazeise drove by with his wife – both of them cheering out the window of their car. The uphill on Glade about killed me but I kept pedaling pulling into my core and rounded back onto Colts Neck. I fueled at one hour into my event as per the plan – 1 bottle of water and 3 Cliff Shot blocks. This time when I turned onto Twin Branches I had a surprised 3 of my best friends were standing in front of Lake Audobon, with pompoms. (god I’ve got the best friends!) Finishing the bike was becoming a more and more likely prospect though I was cold and my left ham string was cramping up. I kept pedaling anyway but by this big uphill on Glade I was ready to quit. I didn’t though. I just kept pedaling all the way to T2.

T2 :02:25 (Goal :03:00) HYDRATE. I knew I had to drink no matter how much I didn’t want to. So, this time I gulped down 16 oz of an energy drink and tried to stretch out my left ham. I threw on a t-shirt with my number on it and started out on the run.

Run 45:30 (Goal :44) The run felt great. I was back on my own two feet, my hamstrings were relaxing, I was warmer and man, I was moving! Maybe it was the endorphins but I felt great and was totally in the moment high fiving other runners smiling at every man, woman child, and dog out on South Lakes at that hour and hoping the rain would continue to hold off. It wasn’t until I got to the turn around point on Ridge Road that I realized my problem….the run out was mostly downhill. The way back killed me. The first half was okay but by the time I hit Soapstone I had decided I would walk, that was all there was to it. And then, shining in this distance were Fred and his wife Jody. Fred ran the last half mile with me complaining the whole time and then, just 200 yards or so from the finish, I sprinted. I still missed my goal for the run by a minute and a half, but the sprint at the end was a hopeful sign I still had more in me even though I felt beat.
21/30 women
35/47 overall


Conclusion
I am a triathlon virgin no more. I met my goal to complete the event and exceeded my time goal, which was 2 ½ hours. This was a great way to start. I was mentally and physically prepared and preserved even when my sprained ankle made it seem impossible. Best of all almost two weeks later I am still floating and picking up the pace on my training so I’ll be ready for the Reston Tri in September!

Did I say 9 minutes faster than my goal? I meant 11!

Well, the numbers are in and there is no denying it. I am a goal exceeding machine! My final time was 2:19:20!

Based on some goal setting advice from the lovely and talented Sharon Adams of Rising Sun Fitness, I set 3 goals for myself for this event - I accomplished Tier 3 without a problem - that alone would have been a success. I checked off Tier 2 as well - in fact, I exceeded it - which was amazing. I missed Tier 1 but that was a my reach goal and with an sprained ankle and it being my first time I felt okay about that too.

Here were my goals.

Tier 3 Goal – Finish the race! And to hold my head high across the finish line – no negative self-talk about what I could or couldn’t have done differently. [This was my tier 3 goal but it was not the easiest. I executed this one brilliantly and it's the goal I am most proud of.]

Tier 2 – Complete in 2:30 minutes – that’s a little stretch but also very achievable. (30 swim; 60 bike; 45 run; 15 transitions). [Actuals were 25:33 swim; 61:57 bike; 45:30 run; 6:20 transitions - total: 2:19:20]

Tier 1 – Be on target to complete the Reston Tri on Sept. 7th in 4 hours (22:30 swim; 59:20 bike; 37:45 run - total: 2:05:55 with transitions) - I felt short of this by about 13 1/2 minutes. I could find 3 of that in transitions which leaves me with 10 minutes I need to find in 4 months. Doable!!

Feeling the Post-Race Love

One of the surprising side-effects of completing your first triathlon is a lot of folks in your life will say a lot of very nice things to you. If you are the type of person who is motivated by this it might be a reason to do a tri. For me, doing this triathlon was all about setting a “Wildly Improbable Goal” and actually reaching it. That said, the words of praise and appreciation from my co-workers, friends, family, coaches, and fellow followers of the Brooke Castillo Church of Self-Love have been overwhelming and I wanted to share them with you here. This will be a long post but it will give you a sense of how you might feel when you complete a goal that is in line with your North Star.


Congrats from Co-Workers


------ Forwarded Message
From: Fred
Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 12:47:10 -0400
To: voxant_staff
Subject: Congratulations to Angela

Hey everyone,

I just want you all to know that our Angela completed her first triathalon this morning. Angela was one of about 50 athletes competing in the Marilyn Lathom "Homegrown" Triathalon in Reston. Angela successfully complete a 1K swim, 20K bike run and 5K run. She even beat her goal time by 9-minutes!

She may be just a little sore when you see her tomorrow. But not to worry . . . pain is temporary, pride lasts a lifetime. Congratulations Angela. You're a rock star! :)

Fred

------ Forwarded Message
From: Carisa
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:50:07 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Congratulations to Angela

Congratulations Angela! What an accomplishment. J

------ Forwarded Message
From: Catherine
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:54:46 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: FW: Congratulations to Angela

So very cool!

I didn’t think the event was till the fall, you have a lot to be proud of !!!

------ Forwarded Message
From: Courtenay
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:04:47 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: FW: Congratulations to Angela

As Dick Vitale would say, “Awesome Baby!!’

Congrats!

- CC

------ Forwarded Message
From: Steve
Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 12:49:01 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Congratulations to Angela

Congrats Angela! That is really impressive!

------ Forwarded Message
From: Sienna
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:34:48 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Congratulations to Angela

This is really an awesome achievement Angela! Makes me want to go for the same! (I think it’s beyond me but your doing it makes me feel I can too! One day…)

Congratulations!

Sienna J

------ Forwarded Message
From: Ricky
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:47:22 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Congratulations to Angela

Congratulations, Angela!

You accomplished an amazing feat. I know I couldn’t do a triathlon. Running a mile knocks me out.

------ Forwarded Message
From: Stephanie
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 10:34:44 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: RE: Congratulations to Angela

You Rock! I’m so happy for you and as a fellow mommy (and, uhum, 30-something), so proud!

------ Forwarded Message
From: Michael
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 10:12:33 -0400
To: Angela
Subject: FW: Congratulations to Angela

Who knew?

****************************

Love from Friends

-----Original Message-----
From: Dara
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 8:01 pm
Subject: RE: I did it!

SO exciting!!! Wish I could have been there – didn’t get back into town until 2:00. BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

------ Forwarded Message
From: Heidi
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:34:48 -0400
To: 'Angela Lauria'
Subject: RE: pedal until you're tired...

You’ve got to be just bursting with pleasure.

Ah, that impulse to sprint, it’s such a great one, and such a sign of your body and your mind being lined up together. And once you do it, it has the added advantage of pumping endorphins into a system that was already feeling pretty damned great. Ah.

That kind of thing doesn’t happen to everybody, and I’m so glad you got yourself there. I hope the Shenandoah thing works out, that could be so fun. Keep training!

What did you eat? If it was biking alone, I could have predicted ravenous hunger precisely 2 hours after your stopped, but I don’t know what happens with THREE lunacies.

Lovelove,

Heidi

-----Original Message-----
From: Sally
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 12:21 pm
Subject: I was there

In Spirit!!!

This morning I had to literally say to myself "Sally, prioritize, time with family or be at the finish line for Ang?" Of course it was not easy because I wanted to be there for you, then I remembered that just the idea of me and the others being there was going to help you get through to the finish, so I relaxed knowing that you would understand and that you are definitely not alone. I love you and I am proud of you and I knew you could do it!!!

Love you!
Sally

-----Original Message-----
From: Kortney
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 10:48 am
Subject: Re: I did it!

What a wonderful accomplishment. I am so proud of you : )
Kortney

-----Original Message-----
From: Daphne
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 9:03 am
Subject: Re: I did it!

Congrats! SOOOOO very proud of you! Girl Power.

Let's catch up soon.

Love you
Daph

-----Original Message-----
From: Rachael
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 8:56 am
Subject: RE: I did it!

That is so awesome! Quite and accomplishment. You are glowing in the picture (rightly so).

-----Original Message-----
From: Bob
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 8:57 am
Subject: Re: I did it!

wow...that's INCREDIBLE

------ Forwarded Message
From: Laureen
Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 18:39:13 -0700
To: Angela
Subject: RE: I did it!

I am so proud of you, I could just bust!! Just got off the phone w. Ker who gave me scoop from the cheering section! My god, what an achievement, Girl!!! You just bust balls!!! Such big congrats…

I love you!!!!

L



****************************

Praise from Dragon-Slayers & Other Disciples of Brooke

-----Original Message-----
From: Loreen
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 11:36 am
Subject: RE: Message on Race Morning

CONGRATULATIONS ANGELA!!!!! I am so proud of you! What an awesome achievement this is – on so many levels! I really admire your determination and commitment! Way to Slay! I get goosebumps just thinking of you sprinting across that finish line with the cheering of the crowd J I am so happy for you!

Love, Loreen

-----Original Message-----
From: karen
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 9:47 am
Subject: WOW!!! Way to go!

Way to go, Angela! I am so very proud of you! What a great personal achievement!
You are my "Today's Hero". I am going to smile all day thinking about your pictures and the look of pride in your face. Love to you and Jesse, Karen T.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jamie
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 2:30 am
Subject: RE: I did it!

I have to just say…….YOU ROCK!!!! I am so impressed and amazed at you. Talk about a 180 with exercise!!! I am sure you are still either A.) high as a kite or B.) dead in bed. Either way you should be so proud of yourself! I know I am!!



Take care,

Jamie

P.S. NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THE FEELINGS YOU FELT WHEN YOU CROSSED THAT FINISH LINE…….That is forever!!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Ellen
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 11:43 pm
Subject: Re: I did it!


Ur AWESOME!! CONGRATS!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Suzanne Hansen
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 11:06 pm
Subject: Re: I did it!

WAY TO GO love the pictures, you look fabulous and are radiant!!
You are inspiring me to set a goal!
Love ya,
Suzanne

-----Original Message-----
From: Heidi
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 9:13 pm
Subject: RE: I did it!

WAY TO GO!!!! I am soooooo proud of you, Angela-you rock!!
Love,
Heidi

-----Original Message-----
From: Jennifer
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 7:57 pm
Subject: RE: I did it!

I am so so so so so proud of you! You looked beautiful and strong and fabulous. :)

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: Kim
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 7:41 pm
Subject: Re: Message on Race Morning

I have always known what a powerful woman you are Angela, and this will prove it to yourself. What power to know you have participated in a TRIATHALON. You will carry this with you as you accomplish ANYTHING else in your life you want. Mostly, (of course you are done now) have fun. All the work of the training is done and today is for basking in the accomplishment because the race itself is not the accomplishment--all the work that you faithfully did to prepare is the big prize. So proud of you Miss "I hate exercise" KIM

-----Original Message-----
From: KATHY
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 7:47 am
Subject: Re: Message on Race Morning

Wow, Angela. I'm so excited for you! To accomplish something like that when just last summer you were not too excited about exercising, is really amazing. I can't wait to hear about your adventure. I hope there are pictures of you over the finish line too! Here's to you, Angela! Kathy

-----Original Message-----
From: Irene
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 7:38 pm
Subject: Re: I did it!

Oh My Gosh Angela - YOU ROCK!!!! Thank you so much for sharing this amazing achievement and making me a feel a part of it even though I wasn't there - physically, that is. Unbelievable that this came from the same woman who swore up and down that she hated to exercise when we were on a walk in Tahoe.....You are an inspiration! Love you tons, Irene

-----Original Message-----
From: Coach Lisa
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 10:01 am
Subject: Re: Message on Race Morning

I've been thinking of you this weekend, my friend, too... remembering its your big day... What you've been working toward for months.

Can't tell you how friggin proud I am to know you. You are an incredible inspiration to so many... But most to yourself!

I'm thinking of you today as you show yourself more of what you're made of... And can't wait to hear about it!

Rock on girl!

Xoxoxo
Lisa

****************************

Pride and Joy from Family

-----Original Message-----
From: Mom
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 11:20 pm
Subject: Re: I did it!

I am extremely proud of you and your accomplishment. Sorry I didn't get to talk to you, but I hope you got the message I sent. You had great support and you never fail to amaze me. Love you with all my heart, Mom

-----Original Message-----
From: Dad
To: Angela
Sent: Mon, 19 May 2008 8:01 am
Subject: Re: I did it!

Congratulations: What a month for you. Purchase a new home and run a marathon....THAT'S MY KIND OF A MOMMY. You did great something you will remember for ever. We are so proud of you.

We Love You
Dad and Barb

-----Original Message-----
From: Gina
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 9:19 pm
Subject: RE: I did it!

Congrats from Toby, Cleo and me! We are sooooo proud of you. You rock. No, really. YOU ROCK! Wow! Now, that is inspirational. And, it's getting to be that time...I need to read a book, go to a conference, make a video board. Something.

Good for You!

------ Forwarded Message
From: Toby
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:09:03 -0400
To:
Subject: Congrats

Ang,

I know Gina told you I said congrats, but I wanted to say it myself… CONGRATS!!!

Love ya!

Toby

****************************

Empowerment from My Dream Team

------ Forwarded Message
From: Brian (Personal Trainer)
Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 04:18:43 -0700
To:
Subject: your race

You Rock! How’s the ankle? Time now for reston and open water! Congrats. U did great!

BRIAN

------ Forwarded Message
From: Sharon (Running Coach)
Date: Mon, 19 May 2008 09:33:27 -0700
To: Angela
Subject: RE: FW: I did it!

congrats angela!

-----Original Message-----
From: Brooke (Weight Loss Coach)
To: Angela
Sent: Sun, 18 May 2008 9:45 pm
Subject: Re: I did it!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I AM SOOO PROUD OF YOU.

Brooke

(You look amazing by the way.)

I Did It!

Well - it's official. I am a triathlete! I completed my first tri in 2 hours and 21 minutes - which was 9 minutes under my goal. I haven't received all the official split times yet but I know I set a personal record with the swim which came in at 25:30 - my best in training was 26 (usually more like 28!) I felt strong on the bike even though I just learned how to ride in MARCH!!! My left hamstring was a bit tight but I stretched out before the run and tackled the 5K with gusto. The best part was all the high fives I got from other runners on the course! The last half mile I decided I couldn't run anymore and I was going to walk. Just then I saw my friend Fred (with the beard in the picture). He's a marathon runner and came to meet me for the final stretch. We ran together and I SO did not quit. In fact - I sprinted the last 100 yards. The crowd went WILD!!! So wild we didn't get the picture crossing the finish line (sorry about that). Apparently I was the only one to sprint to the finish. Once things calmed down we took this great shot with my friends who came to cheer me on. They followed me along the race course and made their presence felt so I kept pedaling harder. I'll post a full race once I have my times. I've put up a small collection of pictures in case you want to see what I looked like on race day.

Good Day Sunshine

It's Race morning. 5am. I've got all the transition bags packed. I am pretty confident I haven't forgotten anything. I did a test run and bike yesterday and I am feeling strong. I am going to run my race in the present moment. I found an email from November 28th when I signed up for this event. It felt crazy then but now it feels 100% authentic no craziness about it. It was my friend Marcy who helped me see I was making the idea crazy by calling it that.

I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I ate great yesterday and slept great last night. Hopefully those are good signs for the race. I need to go eat though - it's 2 hours before I get in the pool and start my quest to become a triathlete. If you want to see the results or details about the event you can find it at the Lathom Tri Website!

Amazing friends are coming to support me - Kerric, Jenny, Rachan - thank you guys!