Becoming Journey

I'm a Taker. Who knew?!

Last night Lisa (a.k.a. "Skinny Bitch") came over for a glass of wine. We talked about my feelings about exercise and what I said to her was that as per Brooke's advice, I gave up exercising to lose weight. I went into exercise looking to feel good. But when I exercised, I didn't feel good. I felt bad. The thought was: Exercise is punishment. And my feelings were feeling physically bad or in pain. And so therefore, why exercise, right? So when I can't the thought to Exercise should make me feel good. My feeling was disappointment because I DIDN'T feel good. Exercise was letting me down.

What do you notice about this?? I've invested exercise with the power to let me down! Of course exercise can't let me down. No more than a scale or a mirror can be mean. I can't personify exercise and expect anything but a set up for failure.

Lisa picked this up right away. "So you're a taker with exercise. Have you read Brooke's book?"

See, I KNEW she was a bitch. Quickly I moved into searching for evidence mode. Yes I read Brooke's book. I wasn't a "taker." TAKERS are people who exercise and expect to lose weight. I just wanted to feel good.

I went back to the book.... will it surprise you to learn that Lisa, BRILLIANTLY, figured me out. I am a taker about exercise. I read Brooke's chapter all wrong. Here's what she says:

"...I suggest that you don't use [exercise] as a tool to lose weight or see immediate results. (Ed: Like feeling good instantly. Oops, missed that.) I am asking you to make a huge shift from a taker to a giver. ... Many people "take" from exercise what they can get and this usually leads to not liking it and doing activities that are not enjoyable. I want you to use exercise as a way to give to yourself. The distinction is crucial, and it's not merely semantics. ... You will start giving yourself exercise (Ed: here's the part I missed the first time) without expecting anything in return."

The critical piece of information I missed was the word ANYTHING. I thought as long as I wasn't expecting weight loss I was fine. No such luck! I missed the turn around and just shifted from TAKING weight loss to TAKING feeling good. Neither works.

I've shifted from being a taker to a giver and a GIVER is someone who gives the gift of movement, health, strength, and time to themselves. A giver is someone who makes a statement that they are willing to care without regard to what they will get out of it in terms of losing weight or feeling good. I can give my body emotional and physical strength, I can empower myself by overcoming excuses, and I can show my body I know that it is worth my time and energy. Of course it is! Anything less would be selfish.

So goodbye taker and hello giver. After all, I was only robbing myself.