Becoming Journey

Pain is the Wrong Way Buzzer:

Or, How I Learned Pain was Good on my Summer Vacation

When I came here, I was afraid of pain. I looked for evidence pain was wrong or bad or "to be avoided" at every turn. But pain isn't bad. That's just my thought about pain. Pain is the wrong way buzzer. It starts as a whisper and gathers steam. It does not leave. And if it needs to, it can be as strong as a brick to the head. Pain gets you moving in the right direction. As Marianne Williamson says, you can learn through joy or through pain. And while I still prefer to pick learning through joy, I can do pain.

Today we tasted some physical and mental pain on a ropes course. I climbed a 30 foot ladder, but didn't make it across the bridge. Others did. I helped them on their journey but wasn't ready to make a journey of my own to the other side. I climbed up, had a look around, and said, not today thank you very much. I wonder why? Everyone else crossed the chasm. When will I be ready to?

Will I come back to Tahoe and jet across from bridge to bridge, flitting like a butterfly someday, or will I stay grounded to an anchor, several caribbeaners, and a rope rated for 14,500 pounds? All I know for now, is I will be open to sucking, to trying, to being connected to myself. I will allow the corrections to come and focus on my work of removing the obstacles to their arrival.

And what do those obstacles look like? Dirty pain and poisonous thoughts. I will question them both at every turn. Here's an exercise Brooke gave us to help bring up thoughts that need to be questioned:

Take off your clothes and look at yourself naked in the mirror. What feelings come up? Write them down. Remove all the good feelings, leave only the bad ones. For each ask your self why? what does that mean? Or so what? until you find an underlying belief structure. When you find it, work the turn around. So here's an example:

Feeling: I feel ashamed.
Why?: Because I don't like how I look.
So what?: Well it matters to me how I look.
And?: I just don't understand why I can't figure this out after so many tries.

SOOOOO, there's the thought:
I can't figure this out after so many tries.

Is this true? Yes
Can you be absolutely sure? Yes.
How does this thought make you feel? ashamed, hopeless, confused
How does thinking this thought make you act? I give up, fog eat, quit exercising
Who would you be without this thought? hopeful, empowered, like I figured it out, relieved, quiet in my head, an exerciser, a healthy eater.
So what's the turn around?: I have figured this out.

Now, here's the new layer Brooke threw on tonight and I love it. Let's look for evidence that THAT turn around thought is true.

• I know how to change my thoughts
• I know how to listen to my body
• I exercise as a gift to myself
• I can stop at 2
• I can feel my feelings

All great evidence that I have figured this out.

And that's how Brooke left us tonight. Live your life as if you have the key to permanent weight loss. Be willing to believe this is the key and act as if you believe it. She suggested one woman in our class (who looks like Kristy Brinkley) follow Brooke's program for just 6 weeks fully believing it's the key she has been searching for. I bet it works.

Getting out of the way... that was my theme for today. I couldn't totally do it out on that ropes course, but I did in some ways. I was able to say no to 3 people as I tried to figure out what I wanted to do, and I didn't worrying about what they would think of me for saying no. That was an accomplishment for sure. And I was able to remain open and positive. I'm proud of that and looking forward to being even more open. The more negative thoughts I can clear, the closer I will be to the results I want. And pain, can come in the form of a negative feeling which will help me identify those thoughts that need changing.

No need to cling to my belief pain needs to be avoided. Bring it. I can do pain.